The Mathematical Institute for Statistical, Scientific and Logical Inquiry into Natural Knowledge (MISSLINK)
MISSLINK is really interested in the accumulation, hoarding, classification, enumeration, cross-categorization, and listing of all facts ever invented, discovered, uncovered, cooked up, formulated, minted or hatched.
We are THE location for the rational, brainy, witty, educated, semiotically inclined, reasonable, mentally quick-witted, sharp, perspicacious, non-moronic, anti-idiotic,
unsloth-like, worldly-wise, sublimely non-crass human being of today.
A MISSLINK report on why the MOON GLOWS.
The moon is well known to sometimes be high in the sky, sometimes low in the sky, often completely invisible. Further, it may be fully lit up, completely dark, or partially lit up or partially dark, and all possible combinations in between.
Why is this?
MISSLINK scientists report that the moon's lighting system is powered by a connection to the California power grid. Further, the moon has signed up for a rate plan which allows the power utilities (there are more than one, as the moon is the fifth largest electric power user in the United States after the Pentagon, midtown Manhattan, the Laserium light show and musical, and world-wide refrigerator light bulbs with the doors closed) to reduce power deliveries in times when the cost of purchasing power is high, or during times of power crisis, when there is little or no power to be delivered.
When earthly power usage soars, the California power utilities are allowed under their contract with the moon to decrease or shut off power deliveries to the moon. For example, power usage is usually quite high during the day, and power to the moon is frequently shut off during daylight hours. Even when there is some power, power is reduced during daylight hours resulting in a washed out or wan appearance of the moon. Smoggy days and forest fire plumes can also cause spikes in air conditioning usage resulting in reduced lunar wattage.
There is a well-known regular terran electrical-usage cycle lasting roughly 4 weeks. During this cycle, earthbound usage waxes and wanes, resulting in counterpunctual waning and waxing power deliveries to the moon. These anti-synoptic cycles result in a surprisingly regular waning and waxing of moon power. Lunar authorities have adapted to this delivery cycle by keeping portions of the moon well lit, while blanketing the remainder of the moon in darkness. The resultant pattern of moon cycles is what results.
The terran electrical-usage cycle is driven by a regular pattern of unusual events on earth. It is well known, for example, that babies are born more often at certain times of the month than others, or that weird crimes are more likely at certain times than others, or that young lovers like to go out more often at certain times of the month than others, or that bears, wildcats, snakes and other large animals such as cows, horses, wild dogs, feral cats, were-wolves, and predator birds are more likely to hunt/prowl/mate/knock over your garbage can/become prey during certain times than others. What is less well known that is that all these events are on the same cycle; they peak at the same time and they nadir at the same time. These events take people out of their houses, resulting in reduced power usage during these regular unusual events. This allows the power company to deliver additional power to the moon during these eerie events. Thus the waxing and waning of the moon is driven by well-known patterns of earth-bound events, and not conversely as has been usually hypothesized by human folklorists.
Occasional random severe disruptions to the power grid can result in rapid and total cut off of power to the moon. This results in the rare but intriguing events that we know of as lunar eclipses.
Phone: Here at MISSLINK, we are firm in our full complete and total belief in the world wide web, the internet, those interconnections that drive us all. Hence, we have no phone system at MISSLINK. We do have opportunities for donations however, and would welcome your donation of an AT&T/Lucent Definity Prolink solution of at least 700 ports or equivalent.
Fax: Here at MISSLINK, we are firmly in full complete and total belief in the world wide web, the internet, the interconnections that drive us all. Hence, we have no phone system at MISSLINK. We do have opportunities for donations and could definitely use a fax machine.